Sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness. Galway Kinnell
This month has been spent not writing. I worried and fretted. Writers are supposed to write. Right?
Then I should all over myself.
I should be writing every day. I should be practicing. I should be using writing prompts. I should be following on-line lessons. I should, I should, I should.
Until I realized I was not writing because that is what I’m supposed to be doing now.
Instead of writing, I was taking time to think. To meditate. To sew the awning and weed the garden. To dream. To binge on rhubarb pie. To cut roses for my vase. To sing.
Whoa! Wait a minute. Anyone who knows me knows I do not sing. Not in front of other people anyway. I do sing to the trees and the water as part of my morning spiritual practice at the creek where no one can hear me. Believe me, I look around to be sure!
And yet, I find myself on a seven week course—Fall In Love With Your Soul’s Voice Through Song—with The Brothers Koren, Isaac and Thorold.
For some people, public speaking is their biggest fear. For me, it is public singing. I think I was twelve when I was told I was singing off key. That was when I shut down my voice. In a past life, I also stopped singing. It was under different circumstances, but you see this is a recurring theme for me.
My intention is not to become a professional singer or a songwriter. It is to reclaim those parts of myself that have been shamed, that are still hurting. So I can be free. So I can be more of my authentic self.
As Isaac and Thorold say, “Dare to suck!”
I am learning that each of us is a distinct, unique acoustic instrument. It is a myth that we need to sound good to take joy in singing. Song wants to be born through each of us.
I am learning to hear the small voice that tells me I am not good enough. I am not worthy. I am not perfect. Maybe your small voice says I am unsafe or I am too much.
I am learning to acknowledge the voice. I’ve named her Wanda. I am taking her under my wing and mothering her. I’ve got you, I say.
Concurrently, I am learning to Regenerate Images in Memory (RIM®) with Karena Neukirchner. I am getting to know my inner child, my emotions, and reprogramming my subconscious. I am finding self-compassion.
Inner work through images or singing takes time. Time to process emotionally and in the body. That is why my innate wisdom has been guiding me to not writing. So I could BE in this experience.
Last week, I finished a song started fifteen years ago. I’d received the words during a shamanic journey workshop where we created a poem to honour our spirit guide or power animal. The poem was intended to be sung, to become a personal power song, but I never found the music to finish the piece. Until now.
I recorded myself singing my song. I even posted it to my Soul Voice group. I sing it now (still very softly) as part of my morning spiritual practice. Maybe someday, I will sing it loud. Maybe even share it with you.
For now, I am singing: it is enough.
I am enough.