Healing Broken Dreams
Bronnie Ware is an Australian RN who nursed patients at the end of their lives. She asked her patients about any regrets they had or what they would do differently. Over and over she heard, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” (Bronnie wrote about her experiences in her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.)
When I first heard about this regret, I thought back to my own Reconnection in 2013. Also known as The Lifepath Accelerator, the personal Reconnection fast tracks life changes and life balance on all levels – physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. After my Reconnection, I let go of an office job to build my practice in holistic health. I thought that change was my lifepath unfolding. And it was. But what I didn’t realize was that it was just the beginning.
Over the next four years, my holistic practice evolved. I began to release therapies, to whittle and narrow down my practice to be more precisely what I wanted. Sometimes it was a willing release. At other times, it was with reluctance and great surprise at what I was being led to release. But the certainty was strong, so I trusted and let go. Things settled for a while and I thought, “This is it then. This is what I’m supposed to do.”
Then last autumn, I began to hear a voice. A young, lovely, endearing voice. So I started writing down what I heard. A few words. It became a paragraph, then two, then a page. Slowly, gently, a book began to unfold. Characters. Plot lines. Conflict. Resolution. It all came pouring out of me, through me.
Now I personally believe that creativitiy is channeled information from Source. Each day, I felt elated, ecstatic. Each writing session was a working meditation. Each day I awoke eagerly anticipating the thoughts, the story, that would be revealed that day. I grew to love each character as if they were real. Because they were real. To me. In my mind. In another reality.
I’ve always loved writing and, over the years, I’ve saved my writing. Stories from grade school (really awful stories, but they speak to who I was then and I treasure them). Poetry from high school filled with angst and passion. For years, I worked as a secretary and wrote business correspondence on behalf of my bosses, relishing those times when I was allowed creative freedom. Like the time I composed a response to the job applicant who submitted a shoe…to get his foot in the door. Eventually, I started blogging. But writing a book was never on my radar at this stage of my life.
Dr. Eric Pearl says, “If we are fortunate, we allow ourselves to discover our life purpose. If we are truly fortunate (and courageous), we allow ourselves to live our life purpose.”
Is writing a book my life purpose? Truly, I do not know. Yet. What I do know is that writing this book has been therapeutic. Liberating. I told myself that, if this is nothing more than an exercise for release, for healing, for unburdening, then that would be enough.
As my teen character began to unfold in the pages of my book, I began to remember myself as a teen. How I loved to read. How my deepest desire was to write, to be an author of romance novels. How I heard a radio show that belittled and degraded romance novelists. How in that moment I chose to give up on my dream, rather than be ridiculed. Rather than take a chance. Rather than be laughed at. It was heart rending to realize I gave up on my dream. I was filled with love and compassion for myself, for who I was at that time. I was able to forgive myself. For not being strong enough, brave enough, courageous enough to pursue my dream in spite of the (perceived) disparagement. I was healing the wounds of a broken dream.
I see now the deep healing that has unfolded. Reconnective Healing has helped me release blocks that have sidetracked my lifepath for 45 years. Is writing finally to be my lifepath or is it simply a means to heal me and move me forward on another path? I don’t know. I am allowing the path to unfold. Allowing my true essence to be revealed. Delighting in each part of myself that is returned to me. So I can be more completely, authentically ME.
As I think back on those dying patients’ regret, I realize I now have the courage to live a life more true to myself. A life without regret.